It’s always heartening to see your teenager being polite, helpful, and well-behaved. But have you ever noticed that their niceness sometimes becomes overwhelming? Do they get trampled over by others because they can’t stop trying to please everyone?
Traits like kindness, humility, and compassion are admirable, but when your teenager begins to over-apologise or constantly worry about coming off too strong, it may be time for a reality check. Many teenagers today face immense pressure to fit in, impress others, and avoid rejection, whether at school, online, or even at home. This often manifests as what psychologists refer to as people-pleasing behaviour.
Teenagers are especially vulnerable to people-pleasing because they’re still discovering who they are. They crave social approval, and in today’s digital age, that validation often comes in the form of likes, comments, and follower counts. There’s immense pressure to fit in ––what to wear, how to look, what to post, and even the content to consume.
A simple example: a teenage girl who applies makeup daily even though she complains about the effort, or a teenage boy who insists on branded clothing out of fear of being ruthlessly judged for wearing anything “local.”
So what can we do, as parents, to help our teenagers feel comfortable in their own skin and grounded in their identity?
Praise the process, not just the outcome
Go beyond celebrating results like grades or trophies. Acknowledge effort and values. Tell them “I admire how honest you were,” or “It was brave of you to speak your mind.”
Many teenagers today face immense pressure to fit in (Photo: Freepik)
Avoid guilt-tripping language
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Statements like “After all I’ve done for you…” or “Why can’t you be more like…” may deepen their fear of disappointing others. Choose encouragement over emotional pressure.
Teach assertiveness as a life skill
Many teenagers are quick to label themselves and others as “bossy”, “weirdo”, “touchy” when another chooses peace over perplexity. Tell your teenagers that it is okay to say no if they don’t feel comfortable and not succumb to the digital pressure.
Be a role model
If you find yourself saying “yes” too often, your teenager will pick up on that. Show them what self-respect looks like — set healthy boundaries, say no when needed, and stand by your values with confidence.
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