Marriage may still be considered a societal milestone, but for some couples, it’s no longer a necessary step to validate love or commitment.
Actor and model Diana Penty, who has been in a relationship with partner Harsh Sagar for over a decade, recently opened up about staying in a long-term live-in relationship without feeling the need to formalise it with marriage. She told Hauterrfly, “Yes, I am not single. I will not go on a rooftop and shout about it, but my partner and I have been together for 12 years, and we’ve known each other for 22 years, which is half of my life. So even though I am not married, in my head I am. It’s the same thing because you’re respecting the relationship in the same way.”
She added that both their families support this decision. “Both our families are very chill, they respect what we have. Both sides say that our happiness is most important. So, there’s been no pressure of marriage. We live together. We have a dog together. Everybody knows we are together, there’s no rush really. It’s pretty much like being married, it’s just that it’s not on paper. But, that makes no difference to me or to him,” she revealed.
So, what emotional or psychological factors make long-term live-in relationships just as fulfilling and stable as traditional marriages?
According to counselling psychologist Athul Raj, what holds a relationship together long-term isn’t the wedding. “It’s the consistency, the communication, and how people respond to each other when things aren’t easy. In a live-in setup, the commitment may not be legal, but the emotional contract is just as real — sometimes more so,” he says.
He adds that long-term live-in couples often stay together not because of external expectations, but because the relationship still works for both of them. When couples don’t have the label of marriage, they often communicate more intentionally. There’s no assumption of permanence, so there’s more effort to understand each other, repair after conflict, and check in about goals and values.
He mentions, “Emotionally, these relationships tend to evolve with fewer assumptions. Roles are negotiated rather than inherited. Boundaries are spoken, not implied. And the absence of a formal title doesn’t take away from the depth of the bond. If anything, it requires a deeper clarity–about what both people want, how they define loyalty, and how they handle vulnerability.”
How should couples navigate societal or family pressure to ‘make it official’?
In our cultural landscape, Raj notes that commitment is often only recognised if it fits a familiar format–most often, marriage. “So when a couple says they’re fully committed but not married, it can create discomfort in families and social circles.”
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He says, “In therapy, I often encourage couples to define their relationship privately, before responding publicly. Are they emotionally aligned? Do they see a shared future? Do they feel safe and respected? If those answers are clear, it becomes easier to face external pressure without being destabilised by it.”
It’s also okay to feel hurt when others don’t understand your choices, explains the expert. What couples need to remember is that legitimacy doesn’t come from other people’s approval. It comes from how the relationship feels on the inside.
“It’s also important to acknowledge that unconventional choices often come with some loneliness. There may be moments when your bond feels invisible to others. That can sting. But if your partnership is clear, connected, and real to you, that becomes its form of validation,” concludes Raj.
